Tinder Update: the fuck and chuck

We live in a society where we sometimes take a bite of our food, decide we hate it, eat a little more out of guilt but then with no remorse or second-thought chuck the whole plate away into the TRASH. This, my friends is the equivalent of a fuck and chuck. Others would call it a one night stand but I would differentiate it; a one-night stand usually happens out of the blue. There is no guilt bites, the first bite happens and then boom, you’re in the trash either minutes or hours after the bam-bam. A fuck and chuck on the other hand lingers a little more just not afterwards but beforehand.

The fuck and chuck is usually a mixture of a one night stand and resembles the first steps people take in forming relationships, the difference is there is never an intention of forming that relationship. You have light conversation for a time period that you’re comfortable with (could be days or hours); for myself I take days in order to establish if I want to meet a person. Unlike the one-night stand, with a fuck and chuck, you have a bit of an understanding of who you’re about to chuck after the fuck.

My first date on tinder was with a viking. Almost 7 ft tall, red head and a beard from a metal band. He was very cute and had all the necessary components of a fuck and chuck: cute, slightly charming, didn’t overly message me and the most important aspect of all, from out of town.

I didn’t intend for my first tinder date to be a fuck and chuck but like mentioned in my previous post: the sex-bomb had awakened something inside me that had laid dormant since my last relationship. So on the drive to the restaurant near his (in his hotel) I decided I was going to bang the viking if the opportunity arose.

And so, we met, chatted for an hour and then he asked me if I wanted to go up to his hotel room to make-out. I accepted and we did the deed. And to be honest, it wasn’t anything exciting. Fuck and chucks usually never are. But they are sometimes necessary. Although fireworks never happened, they satisfy a basic need and sometimes that’s enough. I left and carried on with my evening.

That was the first tinder date. Pretty stereotypical, don’t you think? On to the next swipe: the country boy.

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Tinder Update: The Start.

Have you ever been in a place in your life that you forgot what it felt like to be told you’re sexy? I was in that place when I started talking to someone a couple provinces away. He told me I was sexy and very much desirable. It was through that communication that I was reminded on what it felt like to have attention from my desired sex. I knew the communication would eventually fizzle out (as it has)…even though the desire stemmed from years of denial…it died, held a dream funeral for it last night; but I wasn’t ready to let go of the attention. So, while still in communication with the sex bomb, I opened up a tinder account.

At first, I NEVER swiped right since I got IMMENSE satisfaction from swiping left. I was swiping left on hot motherfuckers who had super liked me (what the fuck is super life? I’ll explain later). Plus, at this time the sex bomb had my full attention. But as all good things come to an end, the sex bomb stopped communicating and I started swiping right. I honestly didn’t think I would match with guys who I would normally think had too straight teeth, you know the type, the athlete who had braces as a kid so he now has that abnormally perfect smile. Anyways, I’ve later found out many things about what happens on tinder. If you’re not on it because you’re happily married or in a monogamous committed relationship (slow hand clap) well let me give you a couple heads up…cause I am jaded enough to think that in time…you’ll open an account too (I am half kidding):

  1. Most people use Tinder as the shitter app. Most men will think they are the only one’s that do this but I can’t be the only woman who has used it while taking a dump.
  2. Guys who are lazy will like EVERY girl so the fact that you matched with that athlete with way too perfect teeth does not make one special. If they message you first it means they actually put thought into who they swiped on. 😦
  3. The guy with the topless shirt is never worth it (as it was pointed out to be by a very wise woman). It’s true, they are never worth it. I will expand much later.
  4. Your first tinder date is ALWAYS a fuck and chuck and most likely most of your tinder dates will be.
  5. An unsolicited dick pic happens but will only happen once since after the first one, you will know the signs. I’ll also expand on that later.
  6. Social media dating becomes an ice cream parlour. You start tasting flavours you would have never thought you would; eventually, if you know yourself well enough, you fall back on the original favourites. But it takes time because you start wanting to TRY THEM ALL.

Special Sex Bomb note: I will always cherish the first days of communicating with the sex bomb. He is truly a special human-animal. And the dream funeral actually left me sad that I probably will never get a scoop of that salty coconut ice cream flavour. Mmmmmmm. Awe.