Tinder Update: The Start.

Have you ever been in a place in your life that you forgot what it felt like to be told you’re sexy? I was in that place when I started talking to someone a couple provinces away. He told me I was sexy and very much desirable. It was through that communication that I was reminded on what it felt like to have attention from my desired sex. I knew the communication would eventually fizzle out (as it has)…even though the desire stemmed from years of denial…it died, held a dream funeral for it last night; but I wasn’t ready to let go of the attention. So, while still in communication with the sex bomb, I opened up a tinder account.

At first, I NEVER swiped right since I got IMMENSE satisfaction from swiping left. I was swiping left on hot motherfuckers who had super liked me (what the fuck is super life? I’ll explain later). Plus, at this time the sex bomb had my full attention. But as all good things come to an end, the sex bomb stopped communicating and I started swiping right. I honestly didn’t think I would match with guys who I would normally think had too straight teeth, you know the type, the athlete who had braces as a kid so he now has that abnormally perfect smile. Anyways, I’ve later found out many things about what happens on tinder. If you’re not on it because you’re happily married or in a monogamous committed relationship (slow hand clap) well let me give you a couple heads up…cause I am jaded enough to think that in time…you’ll open an account too (I am half kidding):

  1. Most people use Tinder as the shitter app. Most men will think they are the only one’s that do this but I can’t be the only woman who has used it while taking a dump.
  2. Guys who are lazy will like EVERY girl so the fact that you matched with that athlete with way too perfect teeth does not make one special. If they message you first it means they actually put thought into who they swiped on. 😦
  3. The guy with the topless shirt is never worth it (as it was pointed out to be by a very wise woman). It’s true, they are never worth it. I will expand much later.
  4. Your first tinder date is ALWAYS a fuck and chuck and most likely most of your tinder dates will be.
  5. An unsolicited dick pic happens but will only happen once since after the first one, you will know the signs. I’ll also expand on that later.
  6. Social media dating becomes an ice cream parlour. You start tasting flavours you would have never thought you would; eventually, if you know yourself well enough, you fall back on the original favourites. But it takes time because you start wanting to TRY THEM ALL.

Special Sex Bomb note: I will always cherish the first days of communicating with the sex bomb. He is truly a special human-animal. And the dream funeral actually left me sad that I probably will never get a scoop of that salty coconut ice cream flavour. Mmmmmmm. Awe.